Steamed Boy

Steamboy arrived on store shelves this week and of course I bought it like the sheep I am. Akira was the first anime movie exposed to me, and it changed my perception of animation. Steamboy was directed by the same director (Katsuhiro Otomo) as Akira, so I was excited to see what he's been doing with his time (10 years, so the back of the dvd case reads).

The art was beautiful. Hand drawn animation in Japan is being mixed with computer animation, and they're really starting to get it right. No doubt this movie took many man-hours to perfect, and my hat goes off to them.

Unfortunately, all the drawings and doodads aside, no one involved with the picture bothered to proof the script. There was some decent ideas in there (mostly anti-war, eerily familiar with current events), but they were buried in fantastic explosions and people turning cranks.

3/4s of the characters could have been cut out all together. The most notable example is Miss Scarlet (Ray Steams quasi-love interest). I understand the concept behind her; she was a stereotype of Americans played through a character from Gone with the Wind who was herself a caricature of American culture. Great, I know a lot of people who need to be brought down off their pedestal, but this wasn't the movie for it. She served no purpose other than to stand around and bitch at everyone. What am I supposed to think about Ray Steam when he makes googly eyes at some hussy who beats her dog? No kidding, there was a 30 to 45 minute stretch where she wandered around a floating steam castle that was wrecking into London, all while yelling some dude's name. Watch the movie, and you'll see that most of the characters seem to ignore her (which, honestly, may be part of the metaphor).

While I'm at it, movie directors need to hire editors for God's sake. This movie was the longest 2 hours and 6 minutes I've ever slogged through. How long can you sit on a couch and watch people flip switches and turn cranks? How many impressively animated steam jets can you watch burst out of pipes, and never seem to burn anyone standing right in the middle of them? This isn't a problem just with anime directors; actually I think it's a habit they picked up off of Hollywood dribble like Michael Bay. End movies for Pete's sake. Yes, your animation is superb and I'm sure you are proud of it, but my ass is getting tired. Everyone thinks that because Lord of the Rings was excellent and long that endless movies are the magic ingredient to success.

I've got news for the suits responsible for movies these days - there was a reason the Dukes of Hazard TV show wasn't 2 hours long.